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marshmallowbunny
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Name: Sonia
Gender: Female
Interests: Rock Climbing, swimming, reading, browsing YouTube, drawing, listening to musice, dancing, making daisy chains, falling in love, baking, shopping at value village with anna, Coffee house night, tennis, piroshkys, having philosophical discussions with Karl, being held, sleeping outside
Message: message me
Member Since:
8/21/2006
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| I find it really funny that I'm starting my sophomore year of college and I'm still hung up on the guy I dated my sophomore year of high school. I find it odd how some things don't seem to change, but the knowledge that they may soon weighs heavily on my shoulders. I'm in danger of becoming more attached to this boy than ever, but we just broke up because I left for college and he's leaving soon too. He goes to a co-ed school and is more likely to meet someone else so we didn't want to try the long distance thing. Even though we broke up, we still talk on the phone on the weekends (that's pretty normal) and now we skype. What I don't find normal is that we still say we miss each other and that we love each other. We broke up. I wasn't happy about it, I'm still not- the way we're going, I would rather have committed to a long distance relationship than this type of arrangement. Because the way we're speaking to each other it's like we're still together, and yet since we're not actually then if one of us does start dating some one else it seems like an easy out. Recently we've been talking about me coming out to Cincinnati for fall break and he seems really excited. But fall break is a month away and a lot can happen in a month. I don't want to get excited about going to see him if it can all fall apart in a matter of hours or seconds. I guess my main problem is getting my hopes up for something that may not happen and excited about a relationship that doesn't even exist.
So what am I going to do about it? I don't know. I think I need to treat him like just a friend until the first week of October. If we still feel the same way then, I'll buy my bus ticket, if not then I'll spend fall break with another friend. Either way, right now I shouldn't be looking at bus tickets or even considering the possibility that we'll still be together then. I'll just take it one conversation at a time. | | |
| I never thought I'd have to choose between two boys. I guess I figured I wasn't in high demand. I don't consider myself pretty or particularly funny and witty so why would any one go for me, let along two people?
But now that I'm in this situation, I have to admit, it's not a glamorous or fun place to be. I like both of the people that have asked me out and I honestly don't know what to do.
One of them is my best friend and someone I've been seeing on and off for the last four years. The other is someone I met last summer and have had a crush on since then.
I had committed to seeing my friend this summer before he accidently (surprisingly you can do this by accident) said yes to someone that asked him out. Two days later, the other acquaintance asked me on a date and told me he was serious about me.
I like both of these guys and both are wildly different from each other. One is straight edge, the other grows marijuana. One goes to college, the other works full time. Where one is quiet the other is very outgoing and charismatic.
I told the guy I met last summer no, finally, because I didn't think it was fair to keep him hanging- college boy doesn't get back until June 14th and I didn't think it was fair to keep anyone on the hook for three weeks after being asked on a simple date.
The problem is, I feel like I made a very big mistake. I've been wondering for a while, if it's time to end the relationship that's been going for 4+ years. But how do you tell someone who's your best friend that. I know that supposedly, if they're your friend, they'll understand. But I still care for and love this person- I just may have met someone else that I kind of want to give a chance too. I'm afraid that I've been with the same person for the last 4 years and maybe I'm choosing the wrong person. Maybe I should give someone else a chance.
I know this seems like a very trivial issue. You're welcome to tell me it is. But the way I see it, it's not a small issue because I'm dealing with the feelings of two people that are both my friends and that I both care very much about and don't want to hurt either of them. I know that I'll eventually end up hurting one, although I'm sure I already hurt Jack's feelings when I told him no- although he said if I changed my mind he'd be around.... The question is, do I really want to change my mind. | | |
| I've never truly considered the war being waged overseas in the Middle East. Although my country has undertaken a major endeavor I've figured that since I'm in my safe, small world of family and school work, it would never have a personal effect on me. For the first time in my life though, an event that should have had nothing to do with me moved me in a surprising and deep way. There's a girl who lives in the room across the hall from me. She a sophomore with a gentle and sweet personality, and although I've spoken with her before, we're not close friends. She's from New Hampshire, her family is Catholic, and her ex-boyfriend was in the military.
Last Saturday morning around one, I was working on some homework when I heard a wail coming from the room across the hall. I was irritated and curious but, out of politeness, I thought I should leave the person in peace. Since walls in Smith dorms are thin, for the next hour or so, I heard various people running up and down the hall and a voice I soon identified as Christina's repeatedly saying "I want to go home. Right now. I need to go home" between sobs. It had snowed about an inch the previous day and the roads hadn't been salted. Driving anywhere at one am, her friends said, was not possible and they wouldn't allow her to leave. Although I chanced a guess at what had happened, I soon brushed the thought away. It was a morbid one and besides, Marc had only been deployed for about a month.
For the next two days, I didn't investigate Christina's sudden departure. Because we weren't close, I didn't think I should ask her friends where she was or how she was doing. However, by Sunday morning, I was interested enough to log onto facebook and see if she had posted anything that might confirm or deny my theory. Her status read "I miss you so much already, I don't know how I'm supposed to do this without you. I will always love you, Marc Decoteau. Always&forever." Reading the next few comments from other people, I was stunned and saddened. Marc had died in Afghanistan.
Recalling a conversation I'd had earlier with Christina, I couldn't fathom how hard this could be for her. She and Marc had broken up around Thanksgiving because he would be deployed in late December. They both cared for each other but he hadn't wanted to tie her down while he was away. Christina felt awkward and sad because of the break up and his impending departure. Her plan had been to go home for a week to New Hampshire and then immediately after Christmas leave for her aunt's house so that she wouldn't see him and feel even worse.
I'm not sure if she followed through on her plan over break, but the thought of never getting the chance to say goodbye to someone you love is a heartbreaking one. It's difficult to imagine losing someone so easily but Christina's experience has taught me several things; Treasure the people you hold close to your heart, and always remember those feelings. That person may be gone tomorrow, but the time you have with them now is precious so don't waste it. The situation in the Middle East is one that must be addressed. Although I do understand why our troops must hold their positions, I hope that it is possible to bring the majority of them home as safely and quickly as possible. To those that are out on the front, or will soon be, I'm respectful and proud that you are serving our country. Thank you for your hard work.
Christina, I'm not sure you'll ever see this, but if you do, know that if you need anything, I'm right across the hall. You are an amazing girl, and I'm sure Marc thought of you often even after he left. R.I.P. Marc Decoteau | | |
| I want to go home. I am such a party pooper. I'm sure I'm the only one of all my housemates that is unhappy at Smith. Everyone else said they felt like this was the place for them. But what if I was sure and then it turned out that what I thought was the right decision was the wrong one? What other choices did I have though? Sarah Lawrence was amazing yes. Willamette was a fallback but it was okay- better than Sarah Lawrence because it's closer to home. Wooster was also far, but close to my ex-boyfriend (the one that decided to be a part of my life again this summer, but only for this summer). American would have been good because I'd be close to family, but I wouldn't get to see them that often anyway.
I know I'm only homesick, but I'm really homesick. I can't explain how much I don't want to be here and how badly I want to go home. And maybe I only want to go home to the things that'll disappear like Kris and Libby and even Jackson and Kim.... But is it so bad to long for all of those things. Is it so bad to want to be with the people you love when you're going through one of the biggest changes of your life. Next year, maybe I'll still be as Smith and that's great. But maybe I'll be at UW and I hope I'm happy either way. | | |
| I'm going to college. I got my acceptance letter and my acceptance email and I graduated with a real diploma, not just a photocopy (like my ex boyfriend). I got my housing forms in the mail and eagerly tore open the envelope and began filling them out- that was over two months ago and my forms are officially 21 days late today. I'm trying to figure out why I haven't filled out my forms. It's not like they're difficult to fill out, or that it takes a long time, or even that I don't want to go get my meningitis shots- I have no problems with needles. I think I'm just trying as hard as possible to ignore the fact that in less than two months I'll be leaving home and there's nothing I can do about it now.
I'm so attached to people and I'm feeling even more attached as my departure approaches. I want to cry and scream and stay home, but that's immature. My parents want to go on vacation during the first two weeks of August, but my best friend leaves on the 13th and it's her birthday on the 3rd. I want to be around to celebrate with her and say goodbye, but my parents have been saying that I'm putting too much emphasis on my relationships with friends. Maybe I am, but by the time I see all of my friends again, we may have absolutely nothing in common and I want to spend as much time with them now while we're still close.
I'm feeling so homesick, even now, that I'm starting to consider a transfer even though I haven't even left- even though I haven't even given Smith a chance. I keep telling myself that I'm only considering a transfer to make finances easier on my parents- UW is a great school and I get a large discount because I live in Seattle- but I know that I'm just making excuses for a severe case of loneliness and homesickness. Also, there are so many people that I didn't meet until a couple weeks ago that I want to get to know, and now I can't because I'll be gone- and I met a boy...... isn't it always about a boy? :( It's not like we're involved- we made out while we were drunk but don't worry, we talked for a while before all the other stuff- but he's the first guy that I've really been attracted to since my ex-boyfriend so I guess it's kind of a big deal- at least to me it is. I want to get to know him and care for him, but the deadline is kind of a damper on the fantasies that are replaying themselves in my head even as I miserably glance over at my college forms.....
Anyhow. Hopefully everything will work itself out. Asides from sitting back and relaxing, I know there's nothing else I can do. | | |
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